Dante's Furby
by Jack Nief the Mighty Thief
Summary: Skye ordered me to create another fic, soooooo.........here you are. It's a major change from AML, but still funny.
1. Part I

Dante's Furby  
  
  
  
Written for no reason at all (other than to find a way to drop boredom) by the King of Dragons, Bahamut.  
  
  
  
Dante is wearing a cone-shaped hat, like the birthday kids usually wear. He is sitting at the table waiting for people to come.  
  
Dante: My birthday is finally here!! My Birthday is finally here!! ::runs around the table:: Finally here! Finally here! Finally here!!  
  
Trish: :from up in her room: Dante! Go back to sleep!!  
  
Dante: Why? My birthday is here!!  
  
Trish: IT'S 3 IN THE GODDAMN MORNING!!! GET YOUR ASS UP TO YOUR ROOM AND SLEEP!!  
  
Dante: But Triiiiiish--  
  
Trish: Dante....I'm a very calm passionate person, and I can be very reasonable. However, I'm tired and haven't slept for 18 hours or so, thus making me very cranky...SO FOR CHRIST'S SAKE GO TO F--KIN' BED ALREADY!!!  
  
Dante: You can't make me cause I'm the birthday boy--  
  
A beam shoots from the ceiling, leaving a charred Dante, a snickering Alastor, Sparda and Ifrit, a 2 foot wide hole from the second floor, and a semi shattered table.  
  
Dante: Owie......okay....  
  
Dante goes up the stairs, with Alastor, Ifrit and Sparda floating behind him.  
  
Alastor: hehe....nice job, stupid.  
  
Ifrit: You pissed off Trash.  
  
Dante: Trish.  
  
Sparda: Trash.  
  
Dante: TRISH.  
  
Alastor: Trash!  
  
Dante: Trish!!  
  
Trish: WHAT?!  
  
Dante: Nothing!  
  
Ifrit: Trash...!  
  
Dante: Trish...!  
  
Alastor: Trash..!  
  
Dante: Trish!  
  
Sparda: Trish!  
  
Dante: TRASH!!!  
  
Another beam shoots from Trish's room, this time making a hole in the door, and once again charring Dante.  
  
Dante:.............................................ow.  
  
Later that morning....  
  
Trash--uh, Trish is having her morning Coffee, Dante is drinking his Cappuchino and eating his donut, Alastor is charging up in the Battery recharger, Ifrit sits in the oven, and Sparda is watching TV. After finishing his Cap, he goes to the fridge, and chugs all the milk.  
  
Trish: You know, we were saving that milk for your party today.  
  
Dante: ::mouth full of milk:: Mmmph?  
  
Trish: Of course, you COULD be nice enough to get some more milk...  
  
Dante: Mmmmmmmmmmmm....::swallows::......nah.  
  
Trish holds up her hand, which is now creating a small ball of energy, which is gradually growing larger.  
  
Trish: Go.  
  
Dante runs out the front door...  
  
SMACK!  
  
...but most other people find it easier to OPEN the door first.  
  
Dante: Ow. ::Opens the front door, goes through, closes it, continues down the street to the store::  
  
On the way, Dante runs into Jill.  
  
Jill: Hey Dante!  
  
Dante: Hey Jill!  
  
Jill: Watchya doing?  
  
Dante: Getting Milk cause I drank it all in a chug.  
  
Jill: A WHOLE DAMN GALLON?  
  
Dante: Uh...no, a pint less than that.  
  
Jill: Cooooool.....by the way, have you met NEMESIS Type S?  
  
A Trenchcoated thing falls from the sky.  
  
Nemesis:...sttttaaaaaarsss....  
  
Dante looks up.  
  
Dante: Nope no, stars, just blue sky and some clouds...::realizes he's looking at Nemesis.:: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Jill hide!!!!::dives behind a bush::  
  
Jill: Dante, his objectives have been altered!  
  
Dante::looks up from behind the bush:: to what?  
  
Jill: Protect primary objective, that's me, until death. Destroy any Umbrella equipment and/or Bioweapon.  
  
Dante: Well,::gets out from behind bushes.:: I guess he IS different.::pokes Nemesis in the arm.:: Hey, what's this guy made of? Leather?  
  
Nemesis: Ssssstaaaarrrrrs!!:: picks up Dante and throws him 10 feet.::  
  
Jill::smiling nervously:: uh...we still need to work most of the bugs out.  
  
Dante::dizzy::ah...I....see......::shakes head:: Well, it was nice talking to you.:: continues walking.  
  
Spider-man swings past and into a Telephone pole.  
  
Spidey:....ouch.::gets off, continues swinging, and gets hit by a bus:: OW!  
  
Dante goes to the store grabs four gallons of milk, pays and leaves.  
  
Dante::after walking for two minutes after leaving the store, goes DT:: Must get home quick! ::trips, turns into Alastor...then he realized Alastor sitting at home:: CRAP!! ::Ducks and rolls, continues running.::  
  
30 seconds later...  
  
Dante::rings the doorbell.::  
  
The door opens. Jill, Trish, Nemesis, Spidey (who is holding a large ice pack on his head), Claire, Chris, Steve, Chun-Li, Ryu, Ken, Skye Quisame, Chibi Seph, Regina, Megaman are standing under a sign that says "Happy Birthday Demon Boy".  
  
All (minus Dante): HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!  
  
Dante goes into a frightened shock, dropping all the cartons of milk. Two minutes later, Dante wakes up.  
  
Dante: Do NOT do THAT, again. It scares me.  
  
Jill: Well, all the more reason they made Decaf.  
  
Skye: 23 Years old huh? I got just the things for you!  
  
Forty-five minutes later, Dante had opened most of his boxes.  
  
From Jill, Chris, Steve, Claire, and Nemi:  
  
Gold Lugers  
  
Hunter Head  
  
Custom Magnum  
  
Custom Handgun  
  
Rocket Launcher  
  
  
  
From Trish:  
  
Linear Launcher  
  
Cats: The Musical DVD  
  
Soul Reaver 2  
  
Freedom Force  
  
Space Quest Anthology  
  
  
  
From Spidey:  
  
Web Shooter  
  
Enough Webbing to swing around all day.  
  
Green Goblin Dart Board  
  
  
  
From Regina:  
  
Assault Rifle  
  
Uzis  
  
Electric Bayonet  
  
  
  
From Chun-Li, Ryu, and Ken:  
  
Baldur's Gate Collection  
  
Miss Congeniality  
  
Legally Blonde  
  
Rifts: Game Master's Guide  
  
Vampire: Guide to the Sabbat  
  
  
  
From Skye:  
  
Diablo  
  
Diablo: Hellfire  
  
Diablo II  
  
Diablo: Lord of Destruction  
  
Neverwinter Nights  
  
City of Heroes  
  
Half-Life  
  
Half-Life: Opposing Force  
  
Half-Life: Blue Shift  
  
Half-Life: Decay  
  
Pool of Radiance: Ruins of Myth Drannor  
  
  
  
Their are now 2 presants left, both from Skye. Dante opens the larger one and pulls out....a rotting head.  
  
Dante: :holding it up by the remaining beard.:: What the hell is this?....what the hell WAS this?  
  
Skye: Oh, that? That's Usama bin Laden's head. I thought after I sliced his head off you could pin it on your wall. He was starting to decay as he  
  
Dante: :poking the face, watching as the eye then pops out:: Sure. ::puts it on wall, nails it into the wall:: There.  
  
Dante opens the last present It's a.................................Furby.  
  
Dante:..........What the....?  
  
Skye: It'z a Furby!!  
  
Dante: ahhh...  
  
Dante foolishly turns it on.  
  
Furby: :makes weird motions, yawns.:: ::does a wake-up noise:: Me, Neeku. Me luv you.  
  
Dante:....................Skye, this is so cool!  
  
Spidey: For the first three minutes. Then you just want to get rid of it.  
  
Skye smashes Spidey into a wall.  
  
Dante::continues to mess with Furby's controls. Everyone else goes to Kitchen for some of that Vanilla Cake Trish made.:: Hehe....fun Furby.::presses a button.::  
  
Furby: Me, Neeku. Me not like you anymore.  
  
Dante: Hehehe....cool.  
  
Furby: Me, Neeku. Me going to killl yooouuu.  
  
Dante: Hmm...I didn't press anything that time.  
  
Furby: I SAID I WILL KILL YOU , SON OF SPARDA, SHOULD WE EVER MEET AGAIN!!!  
  
Dante: Mundus....?  
  
Mundus the Furby: YES. I AM JUST USING THIS AS A VESSEL UNTIL I CAN FIND A WAY TO CONVERT MYSELF BACK TO NORMAL, BUT FIRST I'LL JUST DESTROY YOU TO USE YOUR BODY AS A HOST.  
  
Dante:....Ha! How on earth do you plan to do that noW?  
  
Mundus grows a pair of razor wings.  
  
Dante:...oh. That'll get it done. ::screams::  
  
Everyone comes rushing in.  
  
Skye: Dante what's wrong?!  
  
Dante::cowering in a corner. the Furby is on the couch, just sitting there.:: The Furby tried to kill me, saying that he was the soul of Mundus inhabiting the Furby, saying that he was going to off me before he uses my body to become whole again and attempt to take over the world again most likely succeeding this time and it scared the hell outta me Skye!!  
  
Alastor: Yeeeeeeaaaaah........and were you at this time SOBER?  
  
Ifrit: Yeah, he's lost it.  
  
Skye slaps them both.  
  
Skye: Dante, I know the Furby is a new thing to you, but you can't just hate it because you thought it spoke to you.  
  
Everyone leaves, leaving Dante and Furby Mundus alone  
  
Mundus the Furby: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEE.........  
  
Dante: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.... 


	2. Part II

Dante's Furby  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 2--Continuing on with this weird piece of sh-t....  
  
Dante: EEEEEEEEP!!!  
  
Mundus gets his Razor wings out again, and proceeds to fire at Dante, who his behind the sofa.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere outside in the Tri-Island area...  
  
  
  
Guybrush...er, pieces of him, are in a glass, water-filled container. Pissed from his defeat at the hands of Dante, he decided to turn the tables, and blow up his house from his underwater base.  
  
Guybrush: ::click:: So, is everything ready?::click::  
  
Barney the Security Guard: Yessir.  
  
Guybrush: ::click:: Good. LAUNCH THE MISSILES!!::click::  
  
Walter the scientist: Yes.  
  
Walter presses a button...seconds pass. then the control panel and some other high-tech crap blow up, taking Barney and a few other guards and scientists with him.  
  
Guybrush: ::click:: WALTER! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! DID YOU EVEN REMOVE THE DAMPING LOCKS?!::click::  
  
Walter:....this thing had DAMPING LOCKS?  
  
Guybrush: ::click:: SHIT!::click  
  
Somewhere on Melee Island.  
  
Elaine:: wandering around:: Now where did that monkey-brained husband of mine go..?  
  
FAWOOM!!!!!!  
  
The entire Tri-Island area shakes. the remains of Guybrush's already mutilated head lands on Elaine's head.  
  
Elaine: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!::throws the stuff on the ground, and stomps on it multiple times, not hearing the Muffled "ow." She finally smashes it, complete with the Resident Evil head pop noise, breaking Guybrush out of the "unbreakable" 5-game contract he made with George Lucas, and his head.::  
  
  
  
Back in Dante's home...  
  
The razors pierce the couch, but not Dante.  
  
Dante: Good thing I asked Wolverine about the Adamentium Couch Plating.  
  
Mundus: YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM ME SPARDA!!::uses his Psychokinetic abilities to lift the couch up, and throws it across the room.::  
  
Spidey::wakes up.:: Whooooaa....that girl can hit me like a Truck...::get hit by the couch.:: ow..::KO'd again.::  
  
Dante::runs out into the Kitchen, dives under the table::  
  
Sparda: What the hell are you doing?  
  
Dante: Mundus tried to stab me with it's razor wings!!  
  
Skye: Dante, I'm gonna get that Furby, and show you that it's not possessed by Mundus, it's not after you, and it doesn't have razor wings.::goes to get the Furby::  
  
Dante::backs up into a corner of the Kitchen.:: No! NOOOO!! It'll stab you too!! It'll--AAAGH!!::gets tackled by Jill, Claire and Chris.::  
  
Claire: Megaman! Call the Mental Institution!!  
  
Megaman: Right! ::run off::  
  
Skye::returns holding Mundus, who has hidden his Razor Wings again.:: See Dante? It's a normal Furby. ::tears some of it's hair off.:: see? It's not mad. ::rips an ear off:: It's not attacking me. ::pokes it in the eye.:: It's not biting me. ::Mundus bites Skye.:: OW!! ::Drops the Furby:: The little Bastard bit me!!  
  
Jill:...........::she, Claire and Chris let go of Dante.::  
  
Dante: Mommy! ::hides in the refrigerator::  
  
Mundus: YOU LITTLE GIRL, ARE A PAIN IN MY ASS. ::open his Razor wings, flies through the ceiling, to the second floor.::  
  
Ryu: Well, it's just a doll. What harm can it do?::lights go out:: Ah.  
  
Megaman::comes back.:: Guys, the powers out and I couldn't phone the Crazy House.  
  
Trish: No need, turns out Dante was telling the truth.  
  
Regina: Guys? The front doors locked, and the key hole sealed up!::launches a grenade, the grenade just sits there:: an it nullified my grenade!!  
  
Alastor: WHAT?  
  
Claire: Hey, I have an idea!::takes out a cell phone:: Yeah, we need major help!.......Dante's place, you know where that is?....good! There's an evil Furby possessed by Mundus, who's trying to kill us all!! HURRY!!!  
  
Ken: Skye, just WHERE did you get this doll?  
  
Skye:..Well.......  
  
  
  
~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~  
  
Skye stops by a Black Magic store. She goes inside and walks ahead, past the cobwebbed aisles, and notices a Furby. As soon as she picks it up, someone behind her taps her on the shoulder.  
  
Skye::backhand smashes the figure away, the figure stands up telling her that she/it is the "Store Clerk"::....whoops.  
  
Clerk: So, is this what you wanted?  
  
Skye: I picked it up, didn't I?  
  
Clerk: This doll, is going to make someone very happy.  
  
Skye: That's good.  
  
Clerk: The doll has a terrible curse.  
  
Skye: That's bad.  
  
Clerk: But it comes with a free Frogurt.  
  
Skye: That's good.  
  
Clerk: The Frogurt is also cursed.  
  
Skye: That's bad.  
  
Clerk: But getting the Frogurt gets you a coupon for DMC2.  
  
Skye: That's good!  
  
Clerk: The DMC2 that you'll get will control your mind, causing you to go on a Psychotic killing spree. and After getting the blood of four of your closest friends you'll sacrifice yourself to bring forth a demon that could wipe out the earth in a mere thought.  
  
Skye:..................  
  
Clerk: That's bad.  
  
Skye: Okay, can I just keep the doll? No Frogurt or coupon?  
  
~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~  
  
Ken: For some reason that sounds like a Simpsons Halloween episode I saw once.  
  
Suspenseful music plays.  
  
Trish::looks around:: What the the hell was THAT?!  
  
Chibi Seph: I don't know, but it sounded like Suspenseful music.  
  
Steve: Well, he certainly states the obvious, doesn't he?  
  
Chibi Seph: Bite me, freakboy.  
  
The front door gets blown in. A figure steps through the now door-less doorway.  
  
????::wings stuck outside doorway:: Damn wings!::gets them unstuck.:: steps out of the dust and door debris, revealing....  
  
Claire: Bahamut! Thanks for getting here so soon.  
  
Bahamut: You're welcome. Now where is the evil Furby?  
  
Steve: Upstairs.  
  
Skye::opens fridge.:: Dante, we're gonna get rid of that evil Furby, now-- ::notices the hole in the top of the fridge.:: DANTEEEEE!!!! NUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!  
  
Everyone runs up stairs and looks at the eight choices of doors.  
  
Bahamut: Which door do you think he's behind?::door #8 is smashed open:: Nevermind.  
  
Dante::Mundus clinging to his head, biting him:: AAAAGGHHH!!! GET IT OFF!!! HE TRYING TO EAT ME!!!!::stumbles through Door #4 (the Bathroom), and gets his head dunked in the toilet::Gblughbhlurugh!!::lifts his head out:: Eeeuugh...toilet water..  
  
Mundus: DIE!! DIE!!!! DIEEEE!!!  
  
Sparda: Yes, please. Kill this retard.::Skye kicks him into wall:: OUCHIE!! That hurts almost as much as when I got it stuck in the zipper!  
  
Bahamut::picks up Mundus, who is now trying to escape.:: Well, I know to deal with him. ::notices the switch saying "neutral" and "evil". He pess the button labeled neutral, and tosses him out the window:: Now for the power. ::flips the power from "off" to "on":: there, now that I am no longer needed here, I shall return to Yuffie. ::flies through the ceiling, leaving a large hole.::  
  
Dante: Yay! I'm saved! Even though my home was almost ruined, I'm not pushing up daisies!  
  
Skye: Yep!! All due to Claire's Squaresoft connections! =D  
  
All except Trish, Sparda(who's stuck in the wall), Alastor, Ifrit and Dante, leave.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere in the street outside Dante's home.  
  
Mundus: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!::gets hit by a truck, sending his spirit around::NOW WHERE AM I? I MUST HAVE MY REVENGE ON THAT DRAGON FOR STOPPING ME FROM DESTROYING DANTE!::hears a voice::.....  
  
Voice: .....Welcome to McDonald's. May I have your order?  
  
Guy: Just some Fries, please.  
  
McD Clerk: Yes sir.  
  
Mundus::Gets fries put on him.::AAGH!!.......OH NO!! I'M A FRY COOKER!!::fries are being boiled::AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
Now going to work on:  
  
Baldur's Gate II  
  
Half-Life  
  
Spiderman  
  
(maybe)Fallout  
  
(maybe)Dino Crisis  
  
Resident Evil 


End file.
